Question 69: Which is the fifth commandment?*

Answer The fifth commandment is, "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you."

Question 70: What is required in the fifth commandment?

Answer: The fifth commandment requires that we preserve the honor and perform the duties which belong to every one in their various roles as authorities, subordinates or equals.

DAY 1: Honoring Father & Mother (Exodus 20:12; Leviticus 19:32)

As we begin our study of the fifth commandment, let us seek for the Lord to teach us as He has so graciously done in the previous lessons. We come to a commandment which we as parents are quick to bring to the attention of our children and rightfully so. The intent of the commandment is for parents to teach their children to practice honoring them, so that they will, in learning to honor their parents, learn to honor every person & every authority. God has already established His authority in the first commandment. All other persons or idols of worship are ruled out as having authority in the area of demanding worship. However God has established human authorities in this world and the fifth commandment begins where children are at: their parents.

The first thing we should do is look at the word “honor”. The Hebrew word is kabad (kaw-bad’). It means, “to make heavy, make dull, make insensible; to make honourable, honour, glorify”. The Septuagint uses the word timao (tim-ah’-o). It means, “to estimate, fix the value; for the value of something belonging to one’s self; to honour, to have in honour, to revere, venerate”. This word comes from a root word which means, “to pay”. The term that we are looking at communicates that we are to look at, evaluate and count as precious or valuable our father and mother. Now for many of us who hear this lesson it may not be hard to evaluate our parents as valuable, precious and worthy of honor. But for some, seeing your parents worth may be a little more difficult. There may be some children in the world and even in the days of Israel who have parents who were idolaters, adulterers, drunkards, abusive, etc. and they may look at their parents with distain and disgust. However, the commandment is not to just evaluate them and count their worth by what they do, as it is to evaluate their worth according to the role that God has put them in. The Hebrew word indicates to us that we are to make honorable. The idea is to take God’s point of view in seeing our parents, no matter how good or bad they may seem as a gift from Him and paying homage to the authority position that He has placed them in over us. A good example of this might be found in the relationship between the husband and wife in 1 Peter 3:1-2. Though some of these wives may have unbelieving husbands, they are to submit to them because they have been ordained of God to a position of authority over them (1 Cor. 11:3). Therefore they are not to divorce them or even look at them with contempt, but are in fact to obey them and honor them as their husbands.

The commandment then goes on to tell us who we are to honor. We are to honor father (ab awb) and mother (em ame). The terms here do speak to immediate family members, but also carry a broader picture. For instance, the term father here is often used to refer to one’s grandfather or maybe even someone who was not related to them but was a predecessor of theirs. The same can be said of the word mother. We are to hold in high esteem our mothers, but also their mothers and our great grandmothers and those of others. The idea here is to have great reverence and affection toward those who are our elders.

In looking at Leviticus 19:32 we see that this case of extending honor past the immediate parents to our elders is addressed in the midst of several commands. In the midst of this command we see what honoring the hoary head (grey haired) is all about. First we are told to rise. The word here is quwm (koom). It simply means, “to arise, to stand”. One of the ways that we pay honor to our parents and to the “grey haired” is to stand when they enter the room. I must confess that I have seen this, but never thought and was never taught that this was a way of paying honor to my elders. I guess now I will start having to stand when Mr. Davis and Mr. Stepp enter the room, along with their wives. It seems so foreign to me, but I ran across a note in John Gill’s commentary on Leviticus and one of the examples he gave was the following:

Fagius relates, that according to the tradition of the Hebrews, a young man was obliged to rise up when an ancient man was at the distance of four cubits from him, and to sit down again as soon as he had passed by him, that it might appear it was done in honour of him. And this was not only observed among the Jews, but anciently among Heathens, who reckoned it abominable wickedness, and a capital crime, if a young man did not rise up to an old man, and a boy to a bearded person.

Did you get that? Among some heathens, not standing when an older man came nearby you was considered a capital crime! If we started their today, we wouldn’t have any children left. I guess it was serious business to live in places like that. It seems there would be a certain type of recognition of God’s blessing on such a man to have allowed him to live so long and so the younger would stand to show honor to this one whose life was extended.

The passage also uses the word “honor”. Here the Hebrew word is hadar (haw-dar’). It means, “to honour, pay honour to, show partiality; to adorn”. The NKJV gives a good rendering, “honor the presence.” Though one may not even know the person that they stand for, they are to honor their presence simply because they are an elder.

Now here there may be the question, “Well, are we just supposed to honor men like this?” I think the following passage carries the idea over to women as well. In 1 Kings 2 we see a beautiful picture of honor between Solomon and his mother. Remember, Solomon is king. From a worldly standpoint many would say that he would owe no one honor. Someone might say that everyone owed him honor. They would be correct on the last statement. However, his mother comes in on behalf of Adonijah to ask for a wife for him. When she enters the presence of Solomon, notice what happens. Verse 19 tells us that when Bathsheba came to the king that he arose. He was honoring his mother by acknowledging her entrance. Then he bowed down to her, sat down on his throne and then had another throne placed beside his for his mother on his right hand. The right hand was a place of honor as well. So we see that even a king of Israel showed great honor for his own mother.

As we begin this study, let us remember that in each of these commandments we have seen that the issue of each one really deals with the hearts of the people. However, we have seen that hearts produce actions. Therefore, it seems clear that we can cultivate the hearts of our children to learn to honor mother and father and eventually all those around them for the glory of God.

DAY 2: Honor Evidenced in Obedience (Ephesians 6:1; Col. 3:20)

In our first day’s lesson, we saw a few examples of giving honor to our fathers and our mothers and that includes those who are our elders. Today, I would like to address how the New Testament speaks to children concerning obedience to their fathers and their mothers. Because though we mentioned the standing when an older man entered the room and the standing when Solomon’s mother entered the room and even bowing down to her, we did not address the issue of the honor that leads to obedience. The reason is that our honor should not just be in formalities, but actions that flow from the heart.

Ephesians 6:1 gives us a very clear statement as to how children are to respond to their parents. Paul is in the midst of speaking to the church about submission. He has just admonished the church to submit to one another (5:21). He has also commanded wives to submit to their husbands, as unto the Lord (5:22). Then he tells us that this relationship between the husband and wife is a picture of Christ and His church, which we will touch on tomorrow. Then is the introduction of the submission of children and that comes through obedience (6:1).

The first thing we need to see is that this verse (6:1) is addressed to children. The Greek word here is teknon (tek’-non). The term speaks to anyone who is a son or daughter and does not define age. Therefore, the command is to anyone who is a son or daughter, which is… you guessed it, everyone. This also applies to any child who is adopted into the family or comes under the authority of a step-parent. Now, it is particularly aimed at younger children within the home under the watchful eyes of the parents. This seems clear from the following verse four where the terms of training and admonition are used. These would be understood as terms that would apply to those “in training” within the home. However, the principle still applies when one leaves the home, because it is directly tied to the command to honor in the next verse. Though a boy may become a man and his father does not still command him to do things, he will still value the training of his father and his father’s opinion. However, it would also indicate that much of his thinking will be very similar to his own father’s. Therefore deliberate disobedience, unless it was against the teachings of the Scriptures would be unthinkable to a man with a godly father.

Notice that the term obey (hupakouo hoop-ak-oo’-ois) used here. It is a compound verb that comes from two words, hupo (hoop-o’) and akouo (ak-oo’-o). Hupo means “by or under”. Akouo means “to be endowed with the faculty of hearing, not deaf”. When they are combined in this word the definition becomes “to harken to a command and to obey, be obedient to, submit to”. Children do not have special rights to do as they please. They are not independent of family or parents. They are to hear what their parents say. This does not mean that a child is merely to give an ear to what their parents are saying much like we might give our ear to some background noise. Rather it speaks to them listening intently and comprehending what is being said and processing it in such a fashion that they proceed in carrying out the instruction that they have been given. This is a military term and if we may draw a parallel, an enlisted man can no longer do as he pleases, but must submit himself to his superiors. These superiors are not any better than he. They merely have authority over him. Therefore this enlisted man wants to follow their orders precisely or there will be consequences for failing to do so. The enlisted men want to please their superiors, just as children should want to obey and please their parents (cf. 2 Tim. 2:3-4). For a great example of obedience and submission to his father, read the biography of John Calvin. Even before his conversion he was very submissive to the will of his father.

Notice the reason given for obeying parents. It is right. The Greek word that is translated as “right” is dikaios (dik’-ah-yos). This term means that it is the acceptable thing to do before God. Obedience to parents is something that is pleasing to God. God has commanded that it be so and has given a promise to those who will fulfill the command, which we will look at next week.

There are also guidelines for parents. They are not to use the authority God has given to them to treat their children as slaves. They are not to abuse them or provoke them to anger (Eph. 6:4). This does not mean that children will not get angry at their parents, but does define the line of authority as to what it should and should not be. To clarify: a parent may tell their child that certain things are required of them, which are not sinful. The child doesn’t like to do some of the things and therefore becomes angry. This is not what is meant by this. Rather, the idea is that the parents may do unreasonable things that would arouse anger in the child’s heart. Such things might include calling the child names or purposefully embarrassing the child in public for no good reason. The relationship between the parent and child is to be one of tender affection. Let us look to the example of the Father-Son relationship of our Lord Jesus Christ and His Father. There was tender affection and love on the part of Christ to submit to the will of His Father (John 6:38). On the other hand, the Father showed continued love and commendation for the Son (Matt. 3:17; 17:5).

Also, notice how Paul ties the fifth commandment to obedience. The way children show true honor for their parents is not only in their attitudes toward their parents, but in their obedience towards them. This is one thing I try to stress with my own children. Jesus said, “If you love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:15). We have seen that God shows mercy to those who love Him and keep His commandments (Ex. 20:6). The same should be stressed to our children. Our society and even we as believers are quick to “say” that we love each other. However, true love demonstrates itself, in the relationship between children and their parents and likewise, between God and us, by acts of obedience. Obedience to parents presents true love for them and thus teaches children how to love God and helps them understand what God means when He says to love Him with all our heart, soul, and strength. Otherwise, our children will fall into the same empty words as those in our society who do not know God.

When we see what Paul wrote to the Colossians, we find that he says the same thing, except he uses the phrase “in all things” rather than “in the Lord”. Let me make a point here. I have heard some preachers say that our obedience should only be taken seriously if our parents are in the Lord. They believe that obedience is only required if the parents are believers. That is not what either of these passages is saying. The instruction is to learn to submit to authority. All authority is given by God. We will deal specifically with this in the following lesson. However, let me say that our obedience should be done as unto the Lord and our obedience to the commands of our parents should always be obeyed in all things, unless they clearly call us to violate the Scriptures. Therefore, we are called to love God even above our fathers and mothers (Luke 14:26).

May God help our children learn how to obey us, so that they might learn how to obey God and may He teach us how to direct their love towards Him that we might not find ourselves desiring the affection of our children that should be reserved for God alone.

DAY 3: Honor Evidenced in Submission (Eph. 5:21-22; 1 Peter 2:17; Rom. 12:10; 13:1; Col. 3:19, 22; 1 Thess. 5:12; Hebrews 13:7, 17)

Once again, we can see from the previous day’s lessons the outward responses to the command of God. However, just as we saw with the previous commands, this command also deals with the heart. Obeying is one thing, but obeying with a humble spirit is something else. Seeing the authority that God has placed over you and then submitting to it with a proper attitude is really what is in mind in this commandment. We should not just pay “lip service”, or in this case “action service”, if the attitude of the heart is wrong. This would come back to things that Jesus himself addressed. For instance, Roman soldiers had certain authority over the citizens enough that they could demand that a person carry their weaponry or other items and the citizens were obligated to carry it for the soldier for 1 mile. The Jews were evidently very disgruntled about this because it interfered with what they were doing at the moment and you can just imagine the irritability with which they performed the task. However, Jesus said, “And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two (Matt. 5:41).” This term “compel” is understood that the people were forced into this service. Rather than being contentious and quarreling over the service to be performed they were to submit to the authority and do the task required as unto the Lord, even going beyond what was required. Wow! That’s a far cry from where we are today. After all, we’re Americans. We have rights! Jesus affirms to us that our rights are to be in submission to His ordained authorities.

Heart conditions are everything in this commandment. For instance, a young girl is taught to submit herself to her father so that she will learn how to submit herself to her husband. In Ephesians 5, Paul speaks about submitting to one another in the church and then launches into how there is submission in the family. While all members of the body of Christ are equal (Gen. 1:27; Gal. 3:28), God has established His authorities within the church. We submit to elders as God’s appointed authority in the church. We also submit to one another in the fear of the Lord, esteeming one another higher than ourselves. This truly is an aspect of fulfilling the commandment. Also wives are told to submit to their own husbands (5:22). The word “submit” is not in the actual Greek text. Rather, it is implied from verse 21. I apologize for an error I made in the previous day’s lesson. I described hupakouo as a military term. It is not. However, the analogy I drew was what I wanted to do. My mind was on this word hupotasso (hoop-ot-as’-so). This word is a Greek military term meaning "to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader". In non-military use, it was "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden". Who are wives to submit to? They submit to their own husbands. This is one of the prime examples of a principle for wives being keepers at home even if they don’t have children. They are to be subject to their own husbands, not the husband of someone else. This does not mean that there aren’t certain aspects of submission to other men (elders, civil leaders, etc.), but there is a limitation on what is required. For instance, a woman should not be in a position to where her submission to her husband is compromised by submission to another man in such a way that it would violate the principle of the fifth commandment and the command of Paul in Ephesians.

What is the reason that Paul gives for this submission of wives to their husbands? Verse 23 tells us that it is a parallel of Christ and His church. Christ purchased His church and therefore the church submits to Him. He is the head of the church and the church is His body. The analogy is that the body does not tell the head to submit to it. Rather the head is the one that operates all of the functions and movements of the body. It is the command center. Thus Paul relates the marital relationship as that which parallels Christ and His bride. Women should find fulfillment in submitting to their husbands. This is what they were created for. This is how God has designed them. Women were designed to follow and be their husbands help mate. Man was not created for woman, but woman for man (1 Cor. 11:8-9). Therefore, the woman should be subject to here husband in all things (vs. 24). Again, this would be limited if the wife were instructed to do something that violated Scripture.

It seems clear that when little boys and little girls are brought up in godly homes and trained to honor their fathers and mothers and obey them that they will also take that training with them into their marriage relationship. Just as parents should not take advantage of the authority that God has given them, husbands should not take advantage of the authority God has given them over their wives. Notice that they are to love them just like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. So, the question might arise, “What if my husband isn’t a believer and is abusing his authority over me?” I believe Peter gives us a clear answer. He says in 1 Peter 3:1-2 that wives of unbelieving husbands should submit themselves to their husbands and thus it may be that by their submissive attitude that their husbands may take notice of the message that they bear concerning the gospel.

Now, taking up the principle put forth by Paul in Ephesians 5:21, we see that the Scripture gives us particular authorities that are set up within the body of Christ. Though Paul speaks of submitting to one another in Ephesians 5:21, he elaborates on some specific people to submit to in 1 Thessalonians 5:12 and 13. Paul tells the Thessalonians to take notice of those men who are “over them in the Lord”. They recognize the labor of these men which is in the word of God, because that is where their authority comes from which they admonish the people with. How are the Thessalonians to respond once they do take notice of these men? They are to esteem them very highly. The word esteem is hegeomai (hayg-eh’-om-ahee) and means “to consider, deem, account, or think”. We are to consider elders as our leaders and hold them in high esteem because of the tremendous work that they are engaged in. This will help them to perform their work with joy instead of heartache (Heb. 13:17).

The writer of Hebrews also tells us who they are engaged in their work for. He says that they watch out for your souls. These are not men who are in ministry to pad their retirement, nor are they in ministry for any gain of their own. Rather they minister for your sakes and must give an account for how they have ministered to the Lord. Therefore, let us submit ourselves to those in the church that God has given authority so that they may indeed give that account joyfully.

Other aspects of submission include civil leaders (Rom. 13:1-6; 1 Peter 2:17) and the relationship between servants and masters (Col. 3:22; Eph. 6:5-8). We will take time to deal with these if time permits this Lord’s Day. If you wish, please feel free to engage your family in discussion as to the principle of the fifth commandment and how it applies in these relationships.

Scripture: Exodus 20:12;

Leviticus 19:32; 1 Peter 2:17; Romans 12:10; 13:1; Ephesians 5:21-22; 6:1,5,9; Colossians 3:19-22; 1 Thessalonians 5:12; Hebrews 13:7,17.